The idea was innocent enough. So we thought. What better way for three guys to tackle the end-of-the-week hunger pangs than by combining two culinary favorites into one economically-sound meal. The math is simple: tortilla chips, covered in melted cheese, topped with a pile of smoked pulled pork BBQ. Yeah, I know what you're thinking...how could we not see trouble coming a mile away. Well, I can say the same thing about your bran muffin, Mister Healthy. So, shut up.
Everything went down fine at first. No surprises, taste buds still intact. But that was to be the calm before the storm. Here, now, are the email transcripts in chronological order (names changed to protect the innocent):
"Marty" (1:57pm): Man, I'm full.
"Brett" (1:58pm): Yeah me too.
"Rick" (1:59pm): Shouldn't have finished the entire plate.
"Marty" (2:10pm): I might need a nap.
"Brett" (2:12pm): No kidding. Glad it's Friday.
"Rick" (2:13pm): My stomach just made a "barking" sound.
"Marty" (3:02pm): I just let a fart rip in front of our VP-International Sales.
"Brett" (3:05pm): Whoa don't get fired. Maybe you should go home early...
"Rick" (3:11pm): I can't stop sweating. This can't be good.
"Marty" (3:37pm): Okay I thought I was fine but I'm definitely not. I had to take my pants off.
"Brett" (3:38pm): Haha. Told ya. This dude I work with came by my desk and asked if I was doing okay because I was breathing so heavily. I told him to f*ck off.
"Brett" (3:39pm): Where's Rick?
"Marty" (3:40pm): Dunno.
"Rick" (4:43pm): I've been in the bathroom for the past hour. My boss called the fire department because she thought I was dying. I'm lying in the floor of the lobby as we speak with a cold wet towel over my forehead. our receptionist is looking through my wallet for a number for my next-of-kin. everything I see is purple. it feels like a pack of wolverines is gnawing through my stomach...but I can't move a muscle because I'm paralyzed from the dehydration. if I don't make it I at least want to have documentation of my last words and they are....Marty and Brett, f*ck you for making me eat BBQ nachos. see ya'll on Monday..hopefully.
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