Thursday, June 26, 2008

I was just told that I was under-qualified to work at a fireworks stand.


Well, chalk up another strike-out for this batter. I was so confident that I had nailed that 2nd interview too. I suppose it’s my own fault. I wasn’t as prepared as I thought I was. I think my first mistake was when I accidentally addressed the interviewer as “Dave”. Turns out his name is “Dale” and I had written it down wrong in my notes. He said to me: “Mister Jones, I did not earn the title of Senior Vice President, Director of Human Resources here at Dixie’s Explosion Barn ... only to have people like yourself get my name wrong.”

I can’t say that I blame him. But I think he was going to at least let it slide. After all, he seemed to like my resume. I had no prior felonies. He was impressed that I knew Powerpoint. But then it happened. That one part of the interview that we all dread…

“Name THREE types of fireworks you would use to describe yourself and why."

Oh god.

I paused for a moment and answered with the following…

1) Whistling Bottle Rocket – “a typical day for me usually consists of a high-pitched ear-splitting shriek followed by a quick unsatisfying climax”

2) Smoke Bomb – “cheap, boring, and smells like egg farts”

3) Sparkler – “completely flaming and loved by four-year-olds”


So, I really don’t see where I could have messed up.

Oh well. There’s always next year I guess.

-Jonesy

Monday, June 16, 2008

Jonesy's 80s Music Video "Cliffs Notes" - Issue #1




We open up in a fictional post-Apocalyptic setting that, oddly, looks a lot like Barstow, CA.

The producers spared no expense with the special effects budget as we see Petty and guitarist Mike Campbell pull to a stop on the side of a rural highway driving what appears to be... a bar of soap.

Soon after, the rest of the Heartbreakers arrive... riding a oddly phallic crotch-rocket w/ side car. Of course, they are all dressed in “futuristic” clothing which apparently in 1982 means … wearing Old West clothes that may or may not resemble 1986. Yeah, I’m confused too.

Anyway, jumping ahead... The gang enters a time capsule made from discarded trash bags where they discover an array of “relic” audio/video equipment. Did I mention there is a fully functional disco ball inside too?

Blah blah blah… someone wins at a slot machine… Petty plays Donkey Kong... then Campbell steals a guitar and the video is over.

Jonesy’s 80s Video Rating: 6.5 out of 10

Wednesday, June 11, 2008