Reason #37 Why I'm Still Single - Baby Names

(Disclaimer: this post is bound to offend at least one person. Though it's not your fault, it's your parents)

I love kids. I look forward to having children of my own some day soon. But I will be damned if my kids are going to end up with a shitty name.

In the past ... biblical names were all the rage. John, Jacob, Mary, Barrabas...

Now things have changed. Yuppie America is fighting over your Codys, Emmas, Hannahs, Sophies, Tyler, Kyler, Smyler, Isabella, Madison, Evan Michael Thomas Baxter.

Give me a fucking break.

What happened to naming your kid something with a little courage. A little heart. A little history. Naming your child has now become like shopping for a Land Rover. Trying to be different, but ending up being just like everyone else. Why not have your children forever be know as an extension of who you are... both physically and historically. Your spawn is a part of you. Their lives are molded by your upbringing.

So, am I willing to put my money where my mouth is? I most certainly. My children will be named the following:

1) Fletch
2) Nerf
3) Pour Some Sugar On Me




-Jonesy

Classical radio station DJs are assholes.

So, I'm cranking along this morning to my favorite classical radio station. Feeling the groove, getting shit done at work. I think to myself "I could totally use some Haydn to get me through until lunch break". I call up the radio station. First, I'm put on hold. Okay, fine. There are more people out there just like me. I can live with that. So after about a 10-12 minute wait. The guy finally answers and is like "Heeeeey, thanks for calling WNPP 88.3 .... yourrrrr'e talkin' to Symphony Steve Hardwell ... Chicago's Classiest Classical Music Station DJ ... what would you like to hear???" I said I would like to hear something in a G Major ... how about Violin Concerto No. 4?

And this fuckwad totally ignores me and starts spouting shit about how I won two free tickets to some car wash grand opening and five minutes inside The Dollar Bill Typhoon Wind Machine.

I said, "Look, asshole, take my request or stop wasting my time". "It's bad enough you've already played Mozart's 40th Symphony twice this morning ... which we all know is the fucking Switchfoot ballad of classical music ... god-awful and overplayed.

And then he says "sounds like someone is having a bad day" and then plays this audio clip of Homer Simpson yelling about something followed by what I think was either a foghorn or whoopee cushion.

So, I hung up and kicked my computer across the room.

-Jonesy