Here is my stock reply to those "I’m bored ... so answer a bunch of questions" emails

Copy and paste my answers and save yourself the email stamp...

-Jonesy


Two Names You Go By:

1. Jonesy

2. Monsignor Slapback Jungleworthy Fontaine, Esq.


Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:

1. Bike shorts

2. Sombrero


Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship:

1. The remote

2. the right NOT to wear that awful turtleneck you bought for me ... please.


Two of Your Favorite Things to do:

1. cover homeless people in tinfoil

2. freestyle platform diving


Two Things You Want Very Badly at the Moment:

1. a time machine so I can go back 3 minutes and NOTICE that there is
no toilet paper BEFORE I proceed

2. another Police Academy sequel


Two pets you had/have:

1. there was an old lady that lived in my old building who always
wore a moo-moo and smelled like bacon. Well, she had a cat ...
probably.

2. Phil ... my pet rock


Two things you did last night:

1. downloaded the song "Funkytown" off the internet

2. re-enacted various courtroom scenes from "Law & Order" using my
pillows as jury members and a poster of Vanilla Ice as the "judge"


Person you last talked To:

the operator for the toll-free help line on the back of a Hellman's Mayonaisse jar


Longest car ride:

not a car but... last summer I went to the State Fair and the
operator accidently left me alone on the Gravitron for over an hour


FAVORITE Holiday:

Ash Wednesday because I love seeing the people whose priest got WAY
out of hand applying the smudge to their forehead ... "No no ... you
can hardly tell at all, I promise"


Favorite beverage:

Non-Diet Tab