Look, I'm no lawyer but I'm quite certain there is no statute barring a 29 year old male from trick or treating. I work my ass off for 40 hours a week and I pay my taxes at least 70% of the time ... so why the hell can't I knock on your door in search of some free shit?
I waited my turn. I let the little fairy princess and the little football get first crack at your loot. I was a gentleman as long as I could. So, yeah maybe I shoved the little green alien kid down those flight of stairs that one time. But he was asking for it! I mean, come on Macauley but for chrissakes we don't need to hear about your entire evening. Take your Three Musketeers and get the fuck out of the way. Some of us are starving here!
Oh, and as for YOU, Miss Neighborhood Association President Suburban Driving Mom ... I don't need to hear shit from you either. To answer your question, "No, I don't have anything better to do on a night like tonight". Excuse the hell out of me for having a craving for nougat, you Nazi cow!
Officer, I can explain. There are alot of bad people out there. I figure I am doing society a favor by dressing up in this clown outfit and roaming the streets going door to door. That way I am able to scope out some of those nuts out there who might be out to do harm. And no I have never heard of John Wayne Gacy, Jr. Why do you keep asking me that? I have no idea how that is even relevant.
So, please take this cuffs off. And I will go home quietly. I promise.
Snort of Lick-M-Ade for the road?
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